"The Hurt of Healing"

Updated: Nov 7, 2019

Written by Becca B. from Tulips & Honey 

Hey y’all…. My name is Becca, and the lovely Lauren asked me to share about my testimony. I grew up going to a mega church in the 90s with my whole family. We attended off and on throughout school years, but when the Columbine shooting happened in 1998, I started asking my mom about how to get to heaven. Thus, at the age of 12, I became a naïve Arminian and “accepted” Christ into my heart. But really, I “backslid” and “recommitted my life to Christ” so many times…. I just cringe when thinking about it. Right after high school, and in the beginning of college, I found myself zealous when learning about the Prosperity Gospel. Who wouldn’t want to sow seeds to help with your finances, your future spouse, or any life situation? I began going to very seeker friendly and new age types of churches. 

By my mid-twenties, I had met my wonderful husband. I loved that fact that he had attended Hillsong College for music ministry, and that he was the worship leader at his church. At this time, I was enthralled with everything Bethel Church related. My goal was really to move to Reading and attend their school of supernatural ministry. Together, my husband was Team Hillsong and me as Team Bethel. *More cringing as I type this.* But as time went on, we weren’t happy how at far some groups had gone with some of the practices at Bethel, Hillsong and even among our friends. 

In 2016, I started dealing with chronic TMJ- jaw joint pain. We moved back in with my parents because I needed help getting to doctor appointments and such. With my pain and my husbands’ work schedule we were not able to attend a church for over a year or so. In the summer of 2017, I was awaiting results from an MRI to find out if I had a tumor or cancer because the doctors were not sure that the pain was related to my jaw. Little did I know that my life would change forever. 

A good friend of mine who was a “prophetess” messaged me the most horrible text I had ever gotten. She knew I had been ill and sent a massive amount of texts stating the likes that I was sick because I wasn’t attending church and that as soon as I did, submitted myself to an Apostle/Pastor that the pain will go away.  It really didn’t hit me till my husband came home and read those text, but as soon as he was done, I told him I wanted nothing to do with the “prophetic” ever again. 

My heart was so broken that night, I blocked a dear friend from my life and basically had been told that being sick was my fault for lack of faith or obedience. I kept praying to God, saying “I know that’s not from you, Lord.” The next day, as I sat in my favorite chair and noticed a new video was in my recommended list called “Clouds Without Water” with Justin Peters. My ears and heart were so open as Justin began breaking down false doctrine from so many false teachers out there, and ultimately, he was breaking down my bad theology.

The following day I wanted to watch a different sermon of his called “The Hurt of Healing.” I will never forget towards the end of that sermon, how Justin began sharing the Gospel. I mean the true Gospel. No fog machines, no dim lighting, no music. He shared how we don’t get our glorified bodies yet, that yes, it is a part of atonement but guaranteed when we are in heaven. My mind was majorly blown, and he continued to share how salvation isn’t a prayer. He chooses us. I paused and ran over to my husband sitting near me and started to weep and cry.  What a relief it is that my own faith has no part in my salvation or my healing. God is Sovereign.

My husband and I began listening to other great preachers like John Macarthur, Costi Hinn & many others. We found a great local church that has been more like family to us, as we have struggled to remain in good graces with some of our real family members. I wish I could say that my symptoms got better as we got into 2018, but they did not. Many other newer symptoms happened. I ended up in the hospital on several occasions. But my dear ones, finding out the God is sovereign has been the most comforting thing to me during the most difficult trials.

Earlier this year (2019), I asked to sit down with another lady at our church who also suffers from chronic pain. I asked her a very heavy question and I was so nervous to ask. But I asked her, what if my husband and I choose not to have children due to my health issues. She didn’t technically answer me, but kind of did, and she gave the best advice I’ve ever gotten. She said, “Don’t become bitter” and have peace about your decision. Now that some of my symptoms have gotten better, my husband and I may be able to have children. But if not, then adoption and/or foster care is something I’ve always wanted to do. 

I carried that advice of not becoming bitter as I went on the rest of this year and began connecting with other reformed believers on Instagram. I wanted to make memes that inspired others and myself to become Bereans. Hence the Instagram name, Becca.Berean. During this past summer, another Instagrammer kindly shared how much she enjoyed my memes. I found out she had a podcast and before you know it, I was on it to share my testimony and now a Co-host on that very same podcast! We changed the name to Tulips & Honey. Tulips referring to the Doctrines of Grace as well as my Co-hosts’ favorite flower, and to Honey because my husband calls me Becca Bee, and we want our words to be gracious and sweet like honey (Proverbs 16:24).

With all that has happened thus far in my life, I am left with the most wonderful Truth…that God is Sovereign.  

Many blessings to y’all,


Please share this testimony (or any of the others on our blog) with friends and loved ones!

Contact Info:

Website: https://www.5solas.online/home

Instagram: @becca.berean and @tulipsandhoneyhub

Podcast: Tulips & Honey is available on iTunes, Podbean, and Googleplay

YouTube: Coming soon!


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